tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
