I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
