she woke up with a sticky ear
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
