I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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