dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
