I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
