there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
