I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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