My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
