then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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