He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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