She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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