Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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