she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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