i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
