No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
