He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
