Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
