apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
