Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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