Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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