i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
