then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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