As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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