i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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