just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
