Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
