when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
