1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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