I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
