His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
