If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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