Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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