You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
