The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
