in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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