problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
