i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm at about main and main street
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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