girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
