Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
