**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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