Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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