And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
