i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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