How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
