A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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