Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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