she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
