I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
