We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
