i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
