just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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