Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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