so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
