need another drink. this is the easiest way
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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