Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
