dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
