Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
