piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
