Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
