do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
