oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
