going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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